A Letter to My Darkness
This was written for @YettiSays, “For Black Girls…” post series for February 2021. You can find it here.
This was a letter that I wrote to my darkness. One that was written during a time that I knew I wasn't that old version of me that would just allow me to slip into a known territory of destruction. Knowing the path that I have been on and continue to live on, I had to share this on here as well because it will always be relevant and it is a MAJOR part of why my writing will always be part of my healing.
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I love you. So much. I am deeply sorry for causing you any hurt, embarrassment, or pain. I know that I am imperfectly perfect but in my perfection, there are things I have done that I am not proud of. Please understand that I am sorry. I did not know my worth. Making you feel unworthy. Bringing you down and keeping you in a sunken place to drown. I am sorry for turning my back on you when that’s all you have experienced from others. Why would I act like them? Why would I do what they do? Speaking words of destruction to your free spirit and light and airy presence. Your child-like soul with no imagination because I chose to speak words of hate to your mind. Letting you think all you are is your thoughts. Draining the love and light from your soul all on my own. Why would I ever disrespect you in that way? Why would I think that you should hold the weight of others’ opinions to think it to be true? And what the hell was so wrong with me saying that I love you.
Please forgive me as I did not know better. I did not know that there was more power in calling you my friend than my foe. I did not know that there was more power in looking at the tears in the mirror than trying to break the reflection I saw because I was afraid. I was afraid to befriend you. Get to know you. Learn your behaviors, your patterns, and why you do what you do. I was afraid to do what someone never could (or so I thought).
With every tear that fell down your face, I could feel the release from your body. Everything you felt, we felt it together. Enemies turned lovers with every crawl, every walk, every run, and every leap we experienced. Days, months, years. Fights and breakups, followed by makeups. Back and forth. I took my time with you and held you in my hands with the softest touch. Wrapping you in my love, looking at you with desire, and feeling your vibrations on my skin and within. I peeled back your mask layer by layer and with each layer we released and realigned. We transformed. Your rebirth. Your inner-standing of self. Your journey back to self-love.
Thank you for finally standing in your truth and being brave enough to say the words that had been left unspoken. We were both waiting for it. For no longer hiding in shame and regrets.
For digging deep. For choosing yourself. For not being afraid. For believing me when I said I loved you enough to live through the dark shit with you so I could help you get to your light. You just had to look within to know that. To give me the chance to show you that I saw you beyond your flaws, anger, and hurt. Beyond the trauma that you’ve experienced, that makes you cry silently. None of that matters anymore, because I got you.
I am here to remind you that I will always speak love into you when you need it because you have learned to accept that you are love. You are light. You are every Goddess. More importantly, you are the prayer, the dream, and the dream come true. It was time for you to step up and love me before I lost you again. You are simply who you are to yourself, for yourself, and by yourself – so take care of that person. I love you so much. So completely. So protectively.
You have the ability to keep growing more comfortable in this skin. You have a glow from the inside. Feed it. Let self-love be the beginning of your freedom. You are learning to take care of yourself and love yourself and you will teach others to do the same because what a beautiful journey it is to find your light.
